Absence

Well, if you noticed, i havent been online lately and i also broke my record of blog updates-everyday. That is because after oh-so-long-of-using-macky, i decided to let it have a rest. The poor guy simply become emo after it gets too hotttttttt.

*shudders*

So scary.....

My foot.

Planning to bring macky back to apple store again and was hoping can get a new macky instead. My sista said her friend changed his iphone for a new one after having so many problems. That was uk. This is Malaysia. Do you think it'll work that way?

................

................

................

Let's just hope for the best shall we?

***

Updates :

Brought it back to the apple store and they ran a computer check up kononnya. Seems like the beeping sound and the restart problem are probably due to the RAM/motherboard. They are not so sure yet. If there is really a problem, they will change a new one for me according to them lah. So at meantime macky will be with them for quite a while, bout 4 to 5 days at least.

***

Well, sorry for the lack of presence in msn/skype because i was too busy er...erm...gaming. You cant blame me. I've been waiting for this game since march. The english version was supposed to be release somewhere in October but it got delayed until November. Now that it's out, i should play more so that i wont forsake the times i waited and also another 2 more hours of downloading the game. You see? I definitely should play more right?

Right.

That's why i havent been sign into msn/skype since sunday. Yeah, i know what you want to say. I can chat and play at the same time right? Yup, i can do that. But the game will lag. A lot. I dont like a lagging game. It's frustrating, nerve breaking and so on. I mean nobody likes a game that lags right? Get my point? lol.

Just give me some time, once the urge level has gone down and you be seeing me online-ing again. By then you already have guessed that i have either finish the game, put it on hold cause i got bored or i'm looking for another game to play.

In case you're wondering what game i've been playing, look below :

images credited to gamespot

Ya, ya...

i love harvest moon.

Shaddup, lol.

Chapter closed

Impromptu, persuasive, demonstrative speeches are all done now. I should be leaping with joy. But somehow i feel a bit nostalgic. Probably because of the involuntary flashback of the past.

I remembered when i had my first public speaking class. Nerdy, quiet and shy, i am one of those people who attended the lecture class with my first uni friends, Tracy and an Indian girl whose name i already forgotten (paiseh). Just like any freshmen, we sat in the front rows and attended our very first lecture class and meet our very first lecturer, Mr Kuru.

I still remembered my very first public speaking assignment where i fumbled frequently with my words and where nervousness almost killed me. It wasnt fun. It was stress like hell. And i wasnt really comfortable with my topic and yet i have to pull through because there's marks involved.

My second presentation was worst. It was perhaps the most horrible presentation in my experience so far. I didnt practice, wasnt ready, and read from my slides. Mr Kuru was not happy. And so was i. I felt extreme regret. Cant help but keep thinking that I should have done better.

But i was glad to be given a second chance although the fear of public speaking comes first. It wasnt easy as you are constantly reminded of your poor presentation the last time and at the same time trying your hardest to perfect it. I fumbled a lot during impromptu and make frequent pauses. And i had to have cough on that day. Funny, i remembered i had cough too during my very first speech in foundation.

Oh well, at least this time i managed to set things right and proper. And i was very happy that i survived this course. Not the half-heartedly survival but the full, satisfied, proud survival.

***

Another good news is taipoh is back in town. It's just not the same without the old lady. Days without the office cleaner make me feel incomplete. Finally, she's back. But that doesnt mean she be spared from the how-many-months-of-not-banging-her. Still, i just glad that she's back.

***

I had finally put a proper closure to the whole issue. I am still feeling rather sad but content. At least i managed to voice out my thoughts. And i really glad that he fully understands the whole situation now. Things will not be the same as before. But i believe things will be better from now on. Let time play its part.

For now, this chapter is closed.

As for tomorrow, another chapter will begin.

I don't know how to say this to you but….

You are probably hurt now. Maybe you are angry with me. Perhaps you are disappointed with me. You might not want to hear from me or see me.

I don't know. But even if you did, I understand.

However, I want you to know that, all this while I don't regret liking you and I appreciate your feelings as well. It’s a pity that it didn't work out. But I hope that one day you can come to understand the reason of my action.

I wish that someday you’ll find someone who deserves you better than me. Here, all the best to you.

I have no idea when you will be reading this post. I can understand if you probably don't want to read my blog at all.

But, I still want to thank you for your feelings and for respecting my decision.

Yeah, it's time to move on

Maybe it's like that you said, it's time to change.

i know at times I'm being immature, ignorant and naive. Sometimes i don't realized i have done something wrong as well. And quite often I'll try to put the blame on someone or something else. I'm sorry for behaving this way. Because i feel that it is not easy to stand up and face yourself. A lot of courage is needed. And this is where sorry doesn't play a role at all. It all depends on you, your choice, to make a difference, to make a change and to make it better.

Even though I'm just going through the process of early adulthood, I am already feel it's hard to be an adult. So many decisions, responsibilities, commitments and burdens. Every choice comes with a price. And it's the price where you don't have a say in the value or amount.

Honestly speaking, it's difficult to grow up. And reality is cruel in some ways.

But i'll learn. Starting from now, taking one step at a time, i'll slowly learn to be an adult. I'll change to be a better person. And i hope the same for you.

Lastly, I don't regret that i made this decision. I'll carry this experience with me for life.

***

A large thank you to all my family and friends for the support and advices.

*bows*

I feel so.....

I feel very tired already. Because i feel that no matter how hard i tried to tell you, to explain, you just don't get it.

I may not show that i look irritate, look upset but does not mean i don't feel anything at all. I just feel that it's quite sad that things ended this way even though i try my best to make it end as well as possible. But it didn't work work. It backfired instead.

Fine, it's okay you hate me now. You can say whatever you want but you shouldn't say that I'm not serious in this. I think a lot before i come to this decision. How do you think i would feel? Do you think it's fair that i drag this trial on and hurt you and i more later? How can you say that I'm not serious? How can you even say that? i tried my best to tell you about the problems. I tried my hardest to explain.

But you just don't get it. Do you think it's easy for me? Let's swap roles then. Why don't you be me and i be you? Try it.

Communication problem is not a small thing. If you cant really get the message of what each other is saying..then what's the point?

And it's not about language! It's never about the language. I don't condemn you for your language. Why do you think I'll speak to you in Chinese? Because i know you'll be more comfortable using Chinese to communicate. That's why i used Chinese even though I'm not very fluent in it but i still use it because it makes the communication easier for the both of us. Communication is both ways! If it's one way working then it will never work out.

Well...I'm sorry to say i come from a English speaking family who don't know a damn written Chinese word. I'm sorry for that okay! But even if i come from a English speaking background do you think i would STOOP SO DAMN LOW TO CONDEMN YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR ENGLISH?! If i were to condemn, would i tell you what's wrong with your outline and wait for you to change it? If i were soooo concern i would have just take it and correct it myself without telling you! And why would i want a break up because of this damn thing?! How is it fair for me?

I need space. I told you I'll give you space and you'll give me space. We agreed on this. I can understand that you are being concern...i know you care. Okay i apologize, it's my problem because i feel that when a concern becomes too much, i cant handle.

You said i didn't tell you about the mistake. Okay, that is my mistake. But I want to. In fact i want to tell you right in the face. But I'm not you who can just say out what you don't like. To me, I cant do that. How would you feel if i keep telling you cant do this, you cant do that? Oh well, I will tolerate you. I will tolerate you until i caused myself pain. But do you know that? Obviously you don't. Because you don't understand me at all.

Can you imagine all this "you are not serious, you are just giving excuses" coming out from you who said that u liked me. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT AM I FEELING NOW?

How can you say like tat? What is this? I'm asking you. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Up to this point i got nothing to say anymore. In fact i don't know what to say at all because almost everything i said had somehow been rejected, misinterpreted and backfired.

I am seriously saddened by how things ended.

i have mood swings. Frequently.

Yeap. As the title said, i have mood swings. Lots of them. Anytime. Anywhere.

Sometimes i feel annoyed, sometimes i feel naughty, sometimes i feel moody, sometimes i feel no mood, sometimes i am angry, sometimes i am happy, sometimes i feel relaxed and sometimes, just some of those times, i prefer to be left alone.

All this can happen in one day or can even last through the week itself. And that was intensified if it's that time of the month again. It all depends on what was said, done and happen. Occasionally it could be the environment or weather. At times it could be the surroundings. Sometimes nothing is done and i still have mood swings.

That is why my mood is pretty unpredictable. I could be smiling at you for a minute, the next second i could be barking at you like a mad dog.

*sigh*

I'm feeling all gloomy again.


This blog is written for myself. It's not easy to open up and write, knowing that there will people who are reading it. And sometimes I'm grateful that there are people who read and then didn't ask any questions about it. I like my privacy. Seriously. If there is something i would like to tell you, i would. Thank you.

"M" and "I". The purrrfect pair.

After a relaxing outing and some pestering by the unshakable "I" bout two days ago, thinking i can finally enjoyed the full purpose of an weekend, "M" decided to drop a large meaningless bomb on us by destroying our "after submitting report" happiness through the usage of one word "problems".

This is the actual sentence by the way.

"T1,2 and 5 please take back your reports. Got some problems."

You must be thinking what problems right? Well, apparently the problems carried such weight that all of us are willing to drop a kick or two right into his face.

Here are a list of problems detected by him :

1. Main hard cover template (where we wrote our names) has the wrong subject code.
   
2. Cover pages titles are not centred.
   
3. Times New Roman fonts are unacceptable.
4. Mock screens are too small and the labels are too big.
5. Flow chart - the lines are not really connected.
   

Notes:

(1) The code that he gave was initially wrong. But managed to correct it except for the shadowy effect. Ask him bout that and he reply "tak apa, tak apa." And here he was circling it with a apa apa pen.

(2) It must be directly in the middle where you can strike a bull's eye with a dart. Even a little up like 0.5mm is not acceptable.

(3) This i can explain. We didnt use times new roman! We used Imprint MT shadow! And he accused us of using TNR. Isnt he an expert in fonts? I can even prove to him using soft copy!

(4) Okay. Maybe it was a little too small. But then again, you can just provide some guidelines or something. However you didnt. So we might as well do our own thing. And here you are complaining it was too small or too big when you didnt say anything in the first place!

(5) Frankie's flow chart was circled with a red pen for a stupidly tiny weeny mistake. The lines are only 0.1 or 0.2 mm from connecting the boxes. Must you be so calculative? It's not like if you're showing it to a minister or something.

So to summarize everything, if you have any of those suspicious red marks in your report, you have to reprint and rebind again. And that's another several dollars for it.

And didnt he say before once he rejects our project and that's it? There's no correction you can do? Then why is he asking us to take back and correct it?

It's simple. He's contradicting himself. Nope, i think i should use he is hypo-contradicting himself. There. It sounds better isnt it?

Just a random note, i think "I" and "M" will make a good pair. You see, both have some similarities which i think are very rare. Both are muka tembok and lived in a some kind of "tak tahu malu" fantasy.

"I" is more into the annoying side by repeating asking for your work no matter how busy or how late it is. On the other hand, "m" is more on the authoritive side by taking your work in his hands and modify till it was degraded.

And people, i'm proud to say, i found another two people who are qualified for the title of "hypo-contradicting." Yeap. You have probably guessed it. Congratulations to "I" and "M" for earning the titles with lotsa lotsa hard work effort in which us, the viewers can even detect in our skin.

The reason for this is because, we recently found out that our seniors got relatively low marks with the highest is at 25/30. The second highest is only at 23/30. And both are modify 100% by "M". And yet he give such low marks. (=_=)

As for "I", the just reference technique is proven to be undefeatable. Just by using that phrase, an agreement can be achieved in a most forceful way. However, this cannot be beaten by the ultimate usage of copy, modify, combine and paste. And this "i" claims that it was under the just reference technique. Impressive right people?

That is why, here am i, blogging away this award than giving to them personally.

And so ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the golden pair of the semester :

"I" and "M"

Thanks for all the trouble and incovenience that you caused. Just to let you know. I dont appreciate it one bit.

Byebye~

***

P/S : This particular post is not directed at anyone. If you are offended, i wont apologize. I have the freedom of speech after all. Thank you very much.

Another date with jo

Finally. Yeah finally gal. We managed to hang out on thursday despite mounts of mid term and assignment. Hooray for both of us~!

Went to Midvalley with jojo. Met a really nice taxi driver. Kononnya he was working in the airlines field for some time. He speaks mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese and English to us. Well, we couldnt really get the former three as his tone was slightly off. And he was an indian. So can consider pretty impressive. So we reached mv with a fee of RM7.60. But he charged us with RM7.

0.0

Seriously, i was very surprise. This is the first taxi driver who had charged me less. *whistle*
Perhaps, there's still hope for Malaysia's taxi drivers after all.

After that, we proceeded to have our sushi together at sushi zanmai. As expected, the place was full to the brim and without much choice we opted for the table which was far away from the converyer belt. Nevertheless, it's one of those rare times when you make full use of the waitresses and waiters.

*evil laugh*

We ordered salmon sashimi, tempura moriwase, soft shell crab maki, inari tuna salad, ebikko, kani mayo, chuka lidako, seasoned scallop wings (forgot the name), vanilla daifuku and goma ice cream.

Sorry no pictures because i'm always remember to take photos after i finished my meal.

(=_=)

Anyway, the food was really fresh and marvelous. Especially the sashimi. It's fatty (can see the white colour line clearly) and thickly slice. Somehow it brought a very horrible memory as i was comparing this sashimi to the sushi's king sashimi which awfully taste like frozen fish cake. I love the goma ice cream (black sesame) too! It was really powdery and rich. Just like when you are savoring a bowl of black sesame "tong sui"!

(Shit...i make myself hungry again. Haiz)

The bill come up to about Rm84 . But with great company and great food, it's worth it. Besides, i had been sushi deprived for a few months now which makes it more reasonable for me to spend more? Haha.

After lunch, headed to the cinema cause we're catching madagascar at five. Initially wanted to get the 2.45 but after checking online, it's fully booked (dont ppl have to work?) and upon reaching there on the spot was quite late already. So yeah, bought the 5 pm ticket eventually.

Saw some really awesome, funny animation trailers in the cinema. There's ice age 3 coming out and also a never heard before "aliens vs monsters" that look pretty good. But then again, trailers always looked good. But i'll be waiting for ice age 3 though. I like the acorn lover. It was such a cute guy. ^^

Overall, the movie was pretty okay. But i got a little bored halfway through the show. Yeah, it was funny alright, but not to the point i have tears streaming from my eyes due to extreme laughter. I just feel the jokes have a bit of redundance.

After movie, it's too jam to take a bus home. So we stayed for dinner and had ramen this time. Oh yes that's another type of japanese food. It's been a traditon to us already. Whenever, jojo and i hang out, we'll opt for japanese food without question unless we get bored of it (i doubt it) or we are really really broke ( we will just cancel the outing and go another day).

***

p/s : jojo, i had a great time. Thanks for the company and juicy talks. ^^v

The long road of uncertainty

I have no idea why i suddenly feel so emotional.

Am i ready for this?

Will i able to handle it?

Maybe...it's like what he said...

I think too much

It made my day. Seriously.

Woke up this morning feeling all nervous already. Hands and feet are ice cold. And my heart nearly burst out of my chest. Suppose to wake up at about 7.30 to practice. But delay due to some rolling on bed.

First thing to do is to practice. I didn't even brush my teeth yet (don't give me that look. I did eventually). See what nervousness can do to you? You will go out of the way of your usual routine. Well at least, that's what happen to me. Tested my slides on windows xp and it works perfectly. Made some adjustment and off to practice again.

Last night's result after practicing :

8-9 mins

This morning's result :

7-8 mins

0.0

Holy. I must be speeding off like a bullet train before i even realized it. A note to self : speak slower. Opps. Correction. I should say, go slow but don't forget your points.

But i should have known. It turned out to be quite the opposite. I talked fast and forget some of my points. Paused stupidly for a several seconds before proceeding to the next point. Like a car have to brake a few times because of the stupid traffic jam.

I have to hit the emergency slow down button when Jasz and Frankie made me realized that I've been talking too fast. I was already in the 4th point when it was only on the 6th minute.

So i try my best to slow down in which i think was pretty successful. I was surprised because usually going slow to me during presentation is like encouraging me to speak faster and faster.

But in the end, i managed to pull off pretty well except for the unplanned pauses and forgotten points along the way. Even though i rehearsed and rehearsed i still forgot. I managed to drag it until it was 8.30 mins. Yay!!!

Eh damn tension okay. When i looked at Mr Kuru, he was leaning back against his chair, arms folded and looking at me as though i just killed a kitten. Dont tell me i just strike the jackpot of death.

But, surprisingly his comments are:

"it was an impressive speech. Although there are frequent pauses in between but it was a very well done presentation"

And that MADE my day.

Wheeeee~~~~~~

Terrification

Again, another word added in the collection of booboo's most bizarre-weird-combination English words collection.

***

My heart is beating fast. My hands are sweaty and my head is filled with doubts. My emotions are wavered and i just cant wait for the day to be over tomorrow.

Will i manage to do well?

What if i forgot the points?

What if i just gaped like a fish?

What if my points arent good?

What if i couldnt START at all?

What if i get stuck halfway?

What if...

So many what ifs....so little assurance.

I think i should stopped complaining and get back to practice.

No point worrying bout the inevitable.

Practice girl, practice.....

Macky and xp not "gam key"

Now I'm seriously suspecting Macky is a defect machine. Know why? It restarted by itself once in a while when it's too heaty.

After restarted, a message box appear saying that mac OS x quit unexpectedly. Brought it back to apple shop and one of the workers told me it's the heating problem.

Like hello?

Mac OS quit unexpectedly is a heating problem?

I surf the net and found out it was actually kernel panic, a state where the computer doesn't recognize a new program being installed in it. I don't care. I think i'll go ask for a new one. This macky is not even 6 months old.

Isnt Mac suppose to be quite reliable? Some chaplang computer also can tahan the heat but why it cant?!

Cis!

****

Don't say bout macky already. Even my windows xp side is giving me a hell of problem. It has the blue screen of death. Okay i know it sounds weird. But that's what they said on the net. You try to google and see then you know lah.

Anyway why this have to happen? Especially in my busiest moment.

Sheesh, lucky macky got compatible program for word and powerpoint if not then i have to use the troublesome way of transfering my files into another computer and do it there.

*Sigh*

Realization

I realized that I've been taking my language for granted.

I never truly understand how hard is it to..... (suddenly i forgot what I'm going to say =_=)

Anyway i got a feeling that if i don't step up, I'm just going to lose out.

***

Happie Birthday Daniel =)

***

Yeah, yeah i know it's an easy post so shut up.

LOL.

Super lame post

WARNING !!!!

Seriously, i dunno whether it's funny or i'm stunned.

It's so damn weird.

Well maybe, I'm the weird one. Randomly posting up images like that.

But but but don't you think it's pretty cute?

=p

i should have known

I don't know why i don't know the reason.

I don't know why am i feeling so scared.

I don't know why am i feeling insecure.

I don't know why i refuse to admit.

I don't know why i deny.

I don't know why am i feeling emotional, confuse, unsure, fear, insecure, lack of confidence.

Like the whirlpool, as complicated as that.

Is this how it's suppose to be?

i'm not sure am i the only one feeling like this.

But now,

I can say,

I finally found the answer.

hypocontradicting

Again, i know there is no such word. This is just something i made up. In case you're wondering what the hell does it mean, it's actually

hypocrite + contradicting = hypocontradicting.

It pretty sums up what I've been doing now. Okay, i mean even before that. I think 99% of it serves me right because i tend to always say the opposite and now i can only say 2 words to myself which are :

padan muka

Karma people, karma.

It really happens.

Now it's karma-hypocontradicting.

*Sigh*

T_T